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Portfolio & Apps // Dec 2025

useless.io

The world's premier e-commerce destination for products you definitely don't need. A fully-functional satirical e-commerce platform with real Stripe payments, authentication, and play money.

Created Dec 6, 2025 Size 122 MB Live Site GitHub

Overview

A full-stack e-commerce portfolio project that treats absurd products with complete commercial seriousness. Browse, add to cart, checkout — the entire flow works. Products come from fictional brands like JudgyAppliances, DebugQuack, CodeAroma, and PonderRock. Every product has a ridiculous premise executed with a straight face.

12+
Products
$999
Top Price (Opus Thinking Stone)
6+
Fake Brands
$1K
Free UselessBucks

Tech Stack

Next.js 15 frontend with TypeScript and Tailwind CSS. Better Auth for authentication with email, OAuth, and 2FA. Drizzle ORM over PostgreSQL on Neon. Stripe integration in test mode alongside a play money system (UselessBucks). Deployed on Vercel.

TypeScript 94% CSS 4% Python 1%
Next.js 15 TypeScript Tailwind CSS shadcn/ui Framer Motion Better Auth Drizzle ORM PostgreSQL (Neon) Stripe Vercel

Architecture

Full-stack Next.js application with server components, API routes, and edge middleware. Authentication flows through Better Auth supporting multiple providers. Data persisted in PostgreSQL via Drizzle ORM. Payments handled through Stripe test mode with a parallel play money system.

Next.js 15 Frontend (Vercel) | Better Auth ---- OAuth, Email, 2FA | Drizzle ORM ---- PostgreSQL (Neon) | Stripe --------- Test mode payments | UselessBucks --- Play money system

Featured Products

A curated selection from the catalog. Every product targets a developer pain point with absurd precision.

PonderRock
Opus Thinking Stone
Thinks deeply. Costs more. Worth the wait.
$999.99
JudgyAppliances
Self-Aware Toaster 3000
It has opinions about your breakfast.
$499.99
DebugQuack
Rubber Duck Ultra Pro
It listens. It judges. It suggests console.log.
$199.99
CodeAroma
StackOverflow Candle
Smells like copied code and desperation.
$34.99
NotMyFault
Git Blame Redirector
Assigns your commits elsewhere.
$249.99
ReviewSkip
Auto-LGTM Glasses
Everything looks good to merge.
$149.99

Key Features

01
Full E-Commerce Flow
Browse, cart, checkout, order history. Every step works like a real store.
02
Play Money System
$1,000 UselessBucks for infinite shopping. Real Stripe integration in test mode for the authentic checkout experience.
03
Modern Auth
Better Auth with email/password, GitHub OAuth, Google OAuth, and 2FA. Production-grade security for your useless purchases.
04
Achievement Badges
Gamification layer. Earn badges for shopping milestones and absurd accomplishments.
05
Satirical Brands
JudgyAppliances, DebugQuack, CodeAroma, PonderRock, NotMyFault, WorkEthic Systems, BrevityTech, CalendarDodge — each with their own brand identity.
06
Developer Humor
Every product targets a developer pain point: node_modules bloat, code review shortcuts, meeting fatigue, context window limits.

Stats

122
MB Repo Size
1
GitHub Star
$1K
Free Play Money
12+
Absurd Products

Lessons Learned

01

Full-Stack E-Commerce is No Joke

Even a satirical store needs real auth, real payments, real cart state, real order flow. The comedy is in the products, not the engineering shortcuts.

02

Humor as Portfolio Piece

A funny project gets more attention than a serious one. People share useless.io because it makes them laugh — and then notice the real engineering underneath.

03

Stripe Test Mode is Underrated

Building with Stripe test mode means the entire payment flow is production-ready. Flip a key and it's a real store (selling real useless things).